Sigh.

Last time, 3 days after I got home from the infusions, the lows began. This time, not so much. I'm trying really, really, hard not to be disappointed about this. After all, this drug is new, there are no hard and fast answers. Still. Sigh.

Heading Home

I am sitting at the airport waiting to go home. I can't wait. I am so homesick, but all will be remedied soon.

The infusions went well, the rash did appear, but wasn't nearly as bad as it was last time, and I passed all my labs and got the full dosage of the drug. I kept worrying that I would get an infection right before, or the swine flu while I was there, just that something would happen to interfere with me getting the drug. Nope. Got it all. Whew.

I have more anxiety than I ever used to. More fear, too. I don't really know what to do about that.

My sugars were a little wonky up there. Nothing huge, but it did spike here and there, and my pre meals weren't quite where I liked them. One day I woke up at 148. You see, not horrendous, but not good, either. This added to my fear that I was getting sick, and would fail the CBC they ran (almost) daily. I did pass all my labs, but let's just say I don't want to run an a1c right now. Give me a few weeks at home, in my regular routine, with no restaurant meals and homesickness added to the mix.

This disease, though, it likes to rear its ugly head and remind you its still around and vying for control. I hate it when that happens. It's very discouraging. So now every time I work out I visualize myself beating up diabetes. It makes the workout a little more fun.

I got to the airport today really early (I'm a little anxious to get out of here) and stopped to get lunch. Pulled out my Novolog and bam! Dropped on the tile floor, and thus I have another bottle completely broken. I had just opened it, too. I always travel with extra now, (thanks to 3 month supplies coming mail order - I just make sure I'm home when it's delivered so it doesn't sit in the heat), so I reached in my purse to get my other bottle only to realize that I had put it in the checked luggage. I NEVER do that. I ALWAYS have extra with me. Today, though, have now rendered that "never" and "always" complete lies.

My hands smell like insulin now. It's not a pleasant smell.

So I sat and stared at my lunch wondering what to do now. I had one of those damn spikes post breakfast (191 1.5 hours after - I felt weird, so I checked) and my pre lunch was around 135, so it had come down, but see, not exactly where a pre meal should be. Seriously, what would you have done? With airport waiting time, flying time, etc., it would have been about 4 hours before I had access to my Novolog. I couldn't decide if I should eat, and just issue a correction dose later, go back to ticketing and ask if I could get to my insulin, or what. In the end, I ate a little of the broccoli, tossed the rest of my lunch ( bye bye $10!) and bought a bag of almonds to eat. I figured that was better than not eating at all, but low carb enough that it wouldn't spike me too badly. Right decision? I have no idea. I have candy with me just in case.

Then I stared at all the people who were eating ice cream cones and scones, and I felt a huge surge of envy. Normally, I'm OK with the fact that other people can eat whatever and whenever they want, and I can't, but today it got to me. I blame the homesickness. Or the weather. I always like to blame Utah weather for all my problems.

Anyway, HI EMILY, it was fun to meet you, and I am happy to be going home. Hopefully this newest dose will do its thing. I'll be watching, and beating up diabetes on a regular basis.

It Begins

Tomorrow I leave again for the next set of infusions.

I'll let you in on a secret. I don't want to go.

I don't want to be cold for 2 weeks plus. I don't want the nasty rash. I don't want to feel like crap for the first week. And mostly, MOSTLY, I don't want to leave my family. I miss them already. And frankly, it's a little dull up there.

Morning - labs, infusion, while I read or whatever. Afternoons and evenings, seeing people, shopping, hanging out. It sounds fun. And it is. For the first week.

See, last time, I thought 2 weeks would be doable. And now I know. A weekend away from your family - good. 2 weeks - too long.

My husband says it'll be better - it'll seem shorter since I've done it before. He says it'll go by quickly, and the family and friends I'll catch up with will help me deal. He's nice. A bit delusional, but nice.

Of course, I have a choice, and I'm choosing to go. Because nothing would make me happier than saying "Remeber 2009? That was the year I was diabetic."

In conclusion, obviously I like to start sentences with the word 'and.'

Another Low Day - Which is Good, Actually

Yesterday I woke up at 67. It stayed there most of the day. Each pre-meal was in the 70's (I hate how below 80 feels, don't you?) and I had 2 lows in the middle of the night. This morning - 72.

So today, I am taking my Lantus dose down to 8 units, see how that treats me for the next couple of days - to see if yesterday was an anomaly, or if it means my pancreas likes to work better.

Seriously, though, if the dose stays lower - and I don't see why it wouldn't - every other time I've reduced my insulin, it's stayed there, and done good things for me - this means I am close to HALF the insulin usage I was before. (That's both with the Novolog and the Lantus). With the next infusion scheduled to begin in 2 weeks, I am optimistic about my future.

I mean, low days don't feel so good, but I'm OK with it if they help my a1c and indicate possible cell regeneration. Of course, I never purposely go low. No way, man.

Also, I have split my Lantus does - one in the morning and one at night, (9 a.m. and 9 p.m.) and even though it means more shots, I like it better, so if I mess them up again and replace one with the other, I'm not taking too much Novolog. (I mean, yeah, it'll be more than I should, but it would be easier to fix). Of course, I am determined not to mix them up again. Too scary.

Does anyone else have to change their insulin ratios for different meals? It seems like at dinner, I have to use a tad more insulin per carbs than I do at breakfast/lunch. I wonder if the Lantus dose has worn off by then, but splitting it should have helped, and I've been split for a few months now. Of course, it could be completely due to the fact that after breakfast/lunch, I do stuff (exercise, clean the house, run errands, etc.) and once dinner is over, I'm all about curling up with a book or in front of the TV. Heaven forbid I be productive after 7 or 8 p.m.

Ouch.

My feet are burning. Crap.

Still honeymooning - I have proof!

So, last week I went up for my second "mixed meal tolerance" test, which is a lovely procedure in which they pull blood, and then give me a Boost drink (vanilla! I asked why they couldn't do chocolate, and they stared at me blankly and could give no real reason. I like to think the next study patient might get chocolate thanks to my efforts).

After my lovely "meal", which I have to drink in 5 minutes (not hard) they pull blood every half hour for the next four hours.

Oh, did I mention I go in fasting, having taken no insulin the night before? It's such a party.

Based on these results, they decide whether or not I am eligible for infusion. They are mainly checking C-Peptide levels, because if there is no C-peptide activity, then there is no insulin production to preserve, thus making their efforts in vain. (Although I do wonder if someone who's been diabetic for years could have some positive reaction to the drug. Maybe that'll be their next study.)

I am happy to report that not only do I still have C-peptide activity, my levels are higher than they were before! 3.5, in fact, which is fairly high, even for non diabetics. That is excellent news.

So my next infusions start towards the end of October. If this dose helps as much as the last one did, well....fingers crossed.....

They ran another a1c, too. 6.4. Not as good as the last one, but I think my last one (5.3!)was so low due to multiple lows as I kept having to figure out my insulin:carb ratio that was constantly changing. Still, 6.4 ain't bad. I'll take it.

I Am Hungry.

For the past few days, I have been STARVING. Like, all the time. the diet hasn't changed, and the sugars have been stable.

What gives? I haven't felt this way since I was pregnant or nursing, and well, that's definitely not the case now.

Anyone else starving? Is it the amylin thing? Do I mention it to anybody? Will it go away?